Life Changes: A Mini Vent

I couldn't find a screen shot of the actual outfit
so here's a picture that Robin's date drew in
the episode: it was a spring wrap dress
with black high boots. Use your imaginations!

I had big plans for this afternoon: I was going to come home and take a picture of my outfit, a truly inspired look reminiscent of a look I spotted on a How I Met Your Mother rerun earlier in the week. Then I was going to get on the treadmill or attempt another one of the Jillian Michael's workouts that I recently found on On Demand.

Unfortunately my workday did not cooperate with my big plans and as a result, I'm in jammies watching television.

My new job is great: I'm enjoying the work, I haven't had to drive two hours to see my new boss once, and my hours are so much more flexible that I'm able to work around doctor's appointments.

The not so great thing? That I feel utterly alienated from my former co-workers.

Two weeks ago if I wrote that last sentence, I would have written co-workers, but the last week has absolutely confirmed the fact that I no longer work with these people.

Things had been a bit different for a few weeks but I'd really thought nothing of it. Sure lunches were shorter than usual but people are busy. And they weren't stopping by my office, but my new office is further down the hall so people don't pass it as often. Last Friday my boss made a comment about how she wished I hadn't sent out letters to my clients stating that I would no longer be representing them and suddenly I realized that something was up.

What else was I supposed to do? I wasn't representing them anymore. And while it's true that we aren't going to get a new attorney for at least another two weeks, were my clients supposed to just put their emergencies on hold until someone was ready to deal with them? Heck, if it was that simple, I could have just told everyone to leave me alone until I was happily four months pregnant!

I spent the majority of my therapy session yesterday wondering if they were resenting me and treating me different. Ultimately I decided that while they may be slightly overwhelmed at the additional caseload, I was probably responsible as well. I have a tendency to push people away when I know my time with them is coming to an end: I did it as a child when we were leaving my grandmother's house, I did it with my college friends before summer vacation, and with my parents when I was leaving for law school. It's easier for me to be mad at someone than to deal with the pain of saying goodbye.

So this morning I came into the office ready to turn over a new leaf. I wasn't going to push my co-workers away anymore and intended to make a special effort to engage with them. Everyone was in court so I got to work. At one point a co-worker asked me for some computer help.

Later I heard some discussions in the hallway. It sounded like people were planning to carpool somewhere. Our office calender had listed a training this afternoon so I assumed they were all going to that. I ate my lunch at my desk and kept working.

About an hour later I was surprised to hear the voices of my former co-workers. They were back in the office, indicating that they had not gone to the training which was more than an hour away. Our administrative assistant walked down to my office (my first visitor of the day) and said, "I didn't know you were here. We all went out for Administrative Professionals' Day."

Me: Oh. Well I've been here all day. I even helped former co-worker A with his computer this morning. Happy Administrative Professionals' Day.

Even if someone asked former co-worker A if he had seen me that morning and he had said, "I saw her earlier. I'm not sure if she's there now," wouldn't you then walk the seven extra feet past his office to my door to see if I was there? Or wouldn't you just walk the seven extra feet anyway?

I was pretty upset and figured I'd give my former co-workers the opportunity to see me and...I don't know...apologize? Several times throughout the rest of the day I walked down the long hallway past their offices. They were all in there and yet no one looked up and said a single word to me.

At the end of the day I went out the back exit so I wouldn't have to walk down the long hall again. Once I got to the parking lot, I started to tear up.

I understand that things are different. For some reason it never occurred to me that they would be, but fine they are. I left my job. They have to cover my cases, in addition to their own, until someone else is hired. But cases need to be covered all the time: when one of them goes on a three week vacation or extended leave to care for a parent or transfers to another office only transfer right back after a few months. Why is this time so much more upsetting?

Ultimately it's possible that I'm overreacting. Perhaps neglecting to invite me was an honest oversight. But it still hurts. Part of the reason why I made the choice to change my position but not my location was because I wasn't to continue working with the same people. And now I'm starting to wonder if that wasn't a bad idea.

It feels good to vent and I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a brand new day. I know that switching jobs was the right thing for me because my stress level is so much lower right now just after a few weeks. If my former co-workers can't appreciate that I made the right decision for me then perhaps they weren't the friends that I thought they were.

Thanks for reading/listening! Happy Wednesday!